On Smart cars, prostitution and sports babes

General observations on current events.

Are Smart car drivers really so smart? The Smart car itself is constructed from aluminum foil and rolls on wheels the size of Krispy Kreme donuts. I recently witnessed one of these roller skates racing down the Interstate, darting in and out of traffic and between 40-ton tractor-trailers as if its operator was driving a Sherman tank. And still the owner displayed a vanity license plate that read “BRAINY.” He should hold that thought; it will sound great during his eulogy.

Every time Obama tries to appear fiscally responsible he reveals his poor poker skills. When the budget chips are down he talks as if he’s holding four Reagans. But when his cards are on the table we find he holds nothing but a pair or Carters.

John Lennon’s toilet fetched $14,740 at auction. Now, what does the winning bidder do with such a prize? Is it an investment, a status symbol, or a tourist attraction? I would guess the latter. You’ve heard of innkeepers claiming “George Washington slept here.” Well, John Lennon had to go somewhere, didn’t he?

If you think a person’s looks are inconsequential consider tennis player Anna Kournikova and race car driver Danica Patrick. Kournikova never won a major singles title and Patrick has but one career victory. Tennis and racing have far more accomplished stars. Still, Anna and Danica are readily recognizable because they are physically attractive.

The United States is experiencing high unemployment, a stagnant job market, rising fuel prices, raging debt, and the onset of inflation. What, then, does it say about other countries when their citizens are sneaking into this country in search of better opportunities?

Believe it or not, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton can serve as excellent examples for children. They are proof positive that wealth and fame do not equal wisdom and respectability. Anyone watching their antics must conclude that playing the fool isn’t cool.

Leftists think it sensible to restrict people under age 21 from buying a handgun or a glass of beer. They also support distributing condoms in schools, teaching teenagers sexual activity is expected, and protecting a youth’s “right” to an abortion without their parent’s knowledge. Where do they get off calling conservatives ignorant?

If we truly desire appropriate election reform there is one change we should implement for the coming election cycle. Beginning with 2013 each new administration and congress should be seated on April 1st. What day could be more suitable?

Many people scoffed when the EPA declared carbon dioxide a greenhouse pollutant. But it’s no laughing matter; the EPA ruling opens the door for more federal regulation. What is funny--with funny meaning odd--is how often scientific consensus and climate research supports government growth. If I didn’t know better I would think Big Science and Big Government are in cahoots.

Heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships are, in definition and action, opposites. So, if heterosexuals are described as “straights” does it not make sense to describe homosexuals as “crookeds?”

Someone who uses Twitter excessively is called a “tweeter.” Wouldn’t it be more descriptive to call that person a “twitterer,” or simply a “twit?”

I’m no more interested in opening a debate over legalizing prostitution than I am over legalizing drugs. However, there are inconsistencies in policing prostitution that confuse me. When an undercover vice officer accepts money from a john in exchange for services that aren’t rendered, haven’t those officers obtained property by false pretences, or at least engaged in false advertising?

It is time marketing geniuses retired the redundancy “free gift.” When an item is free, the fact that it’s a gift is understood. Conversely, when you pay for an item it is neither free nor a gift. Still, this cheap gimmick creates business, which says more about the consumer’s lack of intelligence than the marketer’s lack of integrity.