Robert C. Byrd has received a much friendlier valediction than conservative Senators of like stature. When Sen. Jesse Helms died he was treated like Satan’s baby brother. Likewise for Sen. Strom Thurmond. Sen. Byrd, conversely, has received praise for his work and absolution for his faults.
Friend and foe alike have hailed Byrd as the conscience of the Senate. Quasi-worshippers glorified his knowledge and use of Senate rules and his staunch defense of the chamber. His understanding of historical literature has garnered admiration, as has his perceived devotion to the U.S. Constitution.
Robert Byrd the family man should receive the kindness and sympathy due to the dead, if only for his family’s sake. But frankly, even in death, Robert C. Byrd the Senator is open to satire. He was, after all, a public figure. Never shanghaied, he doggedly defended his Senate seat for half a century.
Byrd made quite a name for himself in the U.S. Senate. But he made an even greater name for himself in West Virginia. Bluntly, he should be remembered not for the qualities previously mentioned but for the notorious manner in which he manipulated the federal budget to fortify a voting base in the nation’s poorest state. To accentuate the point let’s examine what the Senator’s funeral procession might’ve resembled.
Sen. Byrd’s remains arrive at the Robert C. Byrd Aerodrome in West Virginia. The plane lands on runway 32-RCB, approaches Senator Byrd Terminal on the R. Byrd taxiway and stops at the Byrd Passenger Access Gate. Sen. Byrd will be then be transferred to the R. C. B. Public Railway, which will carry him to Grand C. Byrd Station in his hometown of Sophia, crossing the Robert Byrd Trestle along the way. There the motorcade waits in the Senator Robert Byrd Public Parking Lot.
The motorcade exits the parking area via the R. Byrd Ticket Booth and creeps onto Robert C. Byrd Drive to begin the journey to the burial site, Robert C. Byrd Memorial Gardens, in Charleston (he’ll be buried in Virginia, but please play along). The hearse passes the Robert C. Byrd Elementary School, the Robert C. Byrd Middle School, the Robert C. Byrd High School, and BIT (the Byrd Institute of Technology). At the Robert C. Byrd State-Federal Liaison Building (a.k.a. the Robert C. Byrd Pork Processing Center) the motorcade turns onto Byrd Boulevard.
Byrd Boulevard guides the procession past the Robert Byrd Wastewater Treatment Plant, the Robert C. Byrd Water Works and the main offices of the Byrd Public Utility, predictably located in the Robert C. Byrd Business Complex. The caravan turns between the Robert C. Byrd Courthouse and the Robert C. Byrd Hospital and Blood Pressure Research Center and continues toward Interstate 64. After passing the Robert C. Byrd Honorary City Limit Sign the Senator leaves Sophia behind.
Byrd Boulevard now becomes Byrd Parkway, which carries the cavalcade to Interstate 64. The procession accesses the interstate via the Robert C. Byrd On-ramp and gains speed across the Sen. R.C. Byrd Overpass. The trip through West Virginia’s mountains is scenic. There’s Byrd Mountain, Robert’s Hollow, Byrd’s Valley, Robert Byrd Creek and the Byrd Rainwater Deluge Conduit (know locally as Byrd’s Ditch). To the right is the Robert C. Byrd Dam, which houses the R. C. Byrd Hydroelectric Station and retains the Robert’s Lake Reservoir.
Recent improvements to the Senator Robert C. Byrd Intermountain Expressway (I-64 until shovel-ready stimulus came to them there hills) hastens arrival at Byrd Memorial Gardens. The Byrd Off-ramp guides the procession from the expressway to the Senior Senator Scenic Highway, which the hearse follows to Byrd Gardens. Entrance is via the R.C. Byrd Access Gate.
Pallbearers escort the late Senator’s remains up the Byrd Pathway to his final resting place at the crest of Robert C. Byrd Knoll, which overlooks the Byrd Bike and Fitness Trail as it winds through a majestic corner of the Robert Byrd State Forest and Habitat Preserve. Senator Robert C. Byrd is there eulogized and remanded to the custody of his Creator, interned in a pork barrel.
Rest in peace, Senator.
Showing posts with label pork spending. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pork spending. Show all posts
Monday, July 5, 2010
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Like any brothel, the Senate has its price
An old joke begins with a rich man in a limousine passing a pretty woman standing on the sidewalk. He tells the chauffeur to stop beside the woman and he lets his window down.
“As you can see,” he says to the woman, “I’m a wealthy man. Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”
It’s a tempting offer. One million dollars; she’d be set for life. The woman considers the rich man’s proposal, smiles at him and agrees that she would indeed be willing to fulfill her end of the bargain. The man smiles back and asks if she would have sex with him for a hundred dollars. The woman’s smiling face transforms into an indignant frown.
“What kind of woman do you think I am?” she asks.
“We’ve established the kind of woman you are,” the rich man replies. “Now we’re haggling over the price.”
The rich man will have to come up with far more than a million dollars to buy Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA). I’m not saying that Sen. Landrieu would sell herself like the woman in the joke. But she will sell her vote, a vote for a bill with which she has issues, for a barrel of pork spending. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid proposed at least $100 million of your money to buy Landrieu, and she’s not the least bit ashamed.
“I’m not going to be defensive,” Landrieu crowed to the Washington Post. “And it’s not a $100 million fix. It’s a $300 million dollar fix.”
No matter the price, it’s obvious that the fix is in. Thus there is little difference between Landrieu and the woman on the sidewalk. The woman in the joke was willing to compromise her morality when the price was right. Landrieu has misgivings about allowing the federal government to commandeer healthcare. Yet she is willing to compromise those principles for money. She has sold herself just as surely as any streetwalker.
I’m not the first person to make this comparison. Therefore, I won’t be the first to be tarred and feathered for the analogy. However, no one has refuted the charge to a worthwhile degree. Let’s go to the dictionary.
The usual definition for prostitute involves granting sexual favors in return for money. But a prostitute can also be someone who misuses or compromises their talent, ability, or position for financial gain. Isn’t that what Sen. Landrieu has done? She offered her ability, in this case a vote to move forward on the Senate’s healthcare “reform” plan, in exchange for federal funds earmarked for her state.
At least if she were walking the streets Harry Reid would have to use his own money to acquire her services. But since she’s a senator whose vote Reid needs, he can use our money to have his way with her. Just as in the joke, we have established the type of woman Mary Landrieu is; we are simply haggling over her price. And she drives a much harder bargain than our sidewalk lady.
Landrieu defenders will argue that this is just business as usual. It’s how politics works, Washington in its purest form. I don’t doubt that’s true. More is the pity. The nation’s future is being shaped by people who willingly sell their principles and their constituents to the highest bidder. Such people have no place representing a free and thinking population.
However, can we truly blame Sen. Landrieu for selling her vote to Harry Reid? Not really. Which do you think will sell better to her constituents come reelection time? Will she win favor for having stood on principle and voted her conscience? Or, will Louisianans more readily reward her for bringing home $300 million in pork? Sadly, I think the later.
“As you can see,” he says to the woman, “I’m a wealthy man. Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”
It’s a tempting offer. One million dollars; she’d be set for life. The woman considers the rich man’s proposal, smiles at him and agrees that she would indeed be willing to fulfill her end of the bargain. The man smiles back and asks if she would have sex with him for a hundred dollars. The woman’s smiling face transforms into an indignant frown.
“What kind of woman do you think I am?” she asks.
“We’ve established the kind of woman you are,” the rich man replies. “Now we’re haggling over the price.”
The rich man will have to come up with far more than a million dollars to buy Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA). I’m not saying that Sen. Landrieu would sell herself like the woman in the joke. But she will sell her vote, a vote for a bill with which she has issues, for a barrel of pork spending. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid proposed at least $100 million of your money to buy Landrieu, and she’s not the least bit ashamed.
“I’m not going to be defensive,” Landrieu crowed to the Washington Post. “And it’s not a $100 million fix. It’s a $300 million dollar fix.”
No matter the price, it’s obvious that the fix is in. Thus there is little difference between Landrieu and the woman on the sidewalk. The woman in the joke was willing to compromise her morality when the price was right. Landrieu has misgivings about allowing the federal government to commandeer healthcare. Yet she is willing to compromise those principles for money. She has sold herself just as surely as any streetwalker.
I’m not the first person to make this comparison. Therefore, I won’t be the first to be tarred and feathered for the analogy. However, no one has refuted the charge to a worthwhile degree. Let’s go to the dictionary.
The usual definition for prostitute involves granting sexual favors in return for money. But a prostitute can also be someone who misuses or compromises their talent, ability, or position for financial gain. Isn’t that what Sen. Landrieu has done? She offered her ability, in this case a vote to move forward on the Senate’s healthcare “reform” plan, in exchange for federal funds earmarked for her state.
At least if she were walking the streets Harry Reid would have to use his own money to acquire her services. But since she’s a senator whose vote Reid needs, he can use our money to have his way with her. Just as in the joke, we have established the type of woman Mary Landrieu is; we are simply haggling over her price. And she drives a much harder bargain than our sidewalk lady.
Landrieu defenders will argue that this is just business as usual. It’s how politics works, Washington in its purest form. I don’t doubt that’s true. More is the pity. The nation’s future is being shaped by people who willingly sell their principles and their constituents to the highest bidder. Such people have no place representing a free and thinking population.
However, can we truly blame Sen. Landrieu for selling her vote to Harry Reid? Not really. Which do you think will sell better to her constituents come reelection time? Will she win favor for having stood on principle and voted her conscience? Or, will Louisianans more readily reward her for bringing home $300 million in pork? Sadly, I think the later.
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