Time for the NBA to “look like” America

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor has again been overturned by the very court on which she seeks to serve. That makes four out of six reviews in which the high court has reversed her opinions.

This case involved four white, New Haven, CT firefighters who were denied due promotions because no minorities scored high enough on the required test. Sotomayor’s ruling supported the town’s decision. She held that preparation and achievement should take a back seat to quota systems and racial bean counting. The Supreme Court, however, disagreed.

There was a time when I would’ve hailed the Court’s decision as a step toward the truly colorblind society that everyone demands in theory but scorns in practice. My mind has now changed. Preferences and quota systems based on race, age, or disability are entirely appropriate in certain situations.

With that in mind I forfeit my college eligibility and declare myself available for the 2010 NBA draft. What’s more, I expect to be picked. Otherwise a discrimination lawsuit is coming. And I’ve counted all the beans necessary to prove my claim, especially if Sotomayor is confirmed.

In 2009 only 18-percent of NBA players were white while whites have averaged about 75-percent of the total population over the last three census estimates. Blacks, conversely, are 12-percent of the population. Yet 77-percent of NBA players are black. Isn’t that appalling?

The NBA doesn’t “look like” America. It needs more white players in order to be racially balanced and representative of the population. Let change begin with me.

“But Hager, you can’t jump,” you argue.

Well, I’m not fast or quick either. I also can’t dribble or sink three-pointers and I’d probably curl up in a ball if I had to shoot a free throw in front of 15,000 screaming fans. So what?

“You’re not qualified for the NBA,” you continue. “You have nothing for Lebron James. You’d be embarrassed.”

That’s quite true. Again, so what? Being unqualified is a prime qualification in the world of racial quotas. And I can ease my shame with each trip to the bank.

“Wise up, Hager. You’ll be forty-five before draft day.”

Yes I will. No NBA team will draft an earthbound 45-year-old who hasn’t played competitive basketball at any level in 30 years. But age discrimination is also a fertile field for litigation, and my lack of vertical elevation is a disability.

With the right team of lawyers there’s no reason why this case can’t become a class action suit. Let’s achieve diversity. Not only can the white, the aged and the gravitationally challenged join the suit, but other races, too.

Hispanics and Latinos are 15-percent of the U.S. population but only 3-percent of NBA players. And what about Asians? Asians are 4-percent of the population but only 1-percent of NBA players. If Yao Ming’s injury forces his retirement, Asians can join the suit, too. Let me explain.

The way I see it, any group can join the suit as long as they’re underrepresented in the NBA by three or more percentage points related to their representation in the overall population. If three percent is a proper margin of error in polling data it should work for bean counting, too.

For the NBA to achieve racial parity and properly represent American diversity its players should be roughly 72-percent white, 12-percent Hispanic, 9-percent black and 1-percent Asian.

Oh, you don’t think people will pay $50 a ticket to watch the pitiful product such racial manipulation will undoubtedly produce? Neither do I. Too bad, isn’t it? Looks like the federal government will have to nationalize the NBA.

This most certainly sounds ridiculous, especially the part about me joining the NBA. But it’s the racial quota reality. All I’ve done is provide a mirror image of such programs.

Now, how much of a signing bonus should I demand?